What did you expect?

Really?? 

I can't say or do anything right. 

Hates the food, the coffee, the prices, the ambiance 

I had unrealistic expectations 

I am an idiot 

Positive

He did indulge me in a carriage ride. 

Happiest when we drink,so we drink. I am drinking too much. 

I have lost 15 pounds in 17 days! 

And now for some arty stuff

It has been a momentous past year (yes this is little late for a year in review..but I really never feel like the flipping of the calendar from one year to another is really a defining turning point!)

September 2012 I took my my amazing self and went to Europe for 5 incredible weeks! The hubby joined me for the final 2 weeks.
Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Brussels, Brugge, Antwerp, Paris, Nice, Berlin, Hamburg, Frankfurt....whew it was a journey. Almost 1800 pics! Got back October 8th!
Upon my return, a call from my surgeon.... Knee replacement on for December 3rd!
Paul McCartney and Bruce Springsteen concerts the week before the surgery. Awesome!

Surgery goes well, I am now in recuperate mode.
Gym twice per day, and I am getting habituated!!
Art to fill the time.

Signed up for an online art course with the mum! Loads of fun and breaks up the gym!

My family is spread over the world!

IIt occurs to me that although the world is a big place, in many ways it is much smaller than it was when I was young! 

My daughter is in Istanbul, my eldest son on his way to travel in Europe.  He just back from Vancouver and Ottawa and the youngest son getting ready to do a wee road trip to Vancouver for a couple of days.  A month ago I was in Greece.  A trip of a lifetime.  A wonderful homage to being comfortable with one's self. A journey in so many ways.

Greece was fantastic!  Athens for two days.  Mykonos with a side trip to the mystical island of Delos. Then beach days on Naxos.  Santorini and climbing the volcano island.  Exploring Rhodes and then Istanbul to meet up with the girls!  Wow!

So many special moments and memories.  Athens:  the first view of the Acropolis, the Happy Train and drifting off to sleep.  Trying to figure out the first ferry ride.  So many ruins.
Mykonos:  The cobbled alley streets.  My little 'apartment' and its view and cute red balcony.  The sunsets. The little fishing boats bobbing in the harbour.  Petros.  So many stores. 
Delos:  Oh magical windswept and barren.  Such history.  Marble and mosaics.  Shrimp nibbles on my feet.
Naxos: Beach days. Bruchetta ala Grec.  Meltemeri restaurant.  Kastro.  Hidden alleys.  Moon over the monastery.  Motorcycles.
Santorini:  Caldera, stairs and views views views.  Volcano trek and 3 wonderful Toronto women! Cats. Crowds and boats. Late night ferry.
Rhodes:  Walled city of surprises.  Gardens and churches, mosques and clock towers.  Palaces and cannon ball Courtyards.  A huge harbour.  Labryinthe like alleys and streets.  Mango Hotel and the Mango Special. 
Istanbul:  Steph & Stef. The bombshelter and university.  Blue Mosque and Agia Sofia.  Internet cafe's and zee beeg Amerikan Mall.  Nay nay.  Giggles, boat rides and lots of fun! 

I have over 1200 pictures!  Yay.  I cannot wait to go back and explore some more.

How perfect - Music and thoughts

Sitting overlooking the meanderings of Peachfest goers.  Their voices carry up to my condo balcony and they sound much like the Sims City program people!  So I sip my wine, and breath the cooling air.  My IPhone is playing Stan Getz's Desafinado (a welcome throwback to my early teen age years, I can almost see me dad sitting here too)  It was a very hot day in the Okanagan. I went to a friend's 40th birthday get together and enjoyed the company of others, the sun on my arms and face, feet in the pool and a little 2 year old running around reminding me of how fast time has passed (my little girl just turned 21 - how did that happen?!)

We have purchased this condo on the waterfront, but do not yet live here. We visit on the weekends and it is a wonderful little escape that is only minutes from the Dollhouse we live in.  We will move here one day, yet to be determined when that will be.  But when we do it will be good bye to the raking of leaves, the shovelling of snow and the general up keep of a 80 year old home!

He isn't home yet.  On his way back, but that was over an hour ago, so I guess it is the long road home (the Parrot is across the street...) Oh well, I am enjoying my music, wine and thoughts.

Talked to my young friend and she is missing me and I am strangely missing her.  She is the human equivalent of a labrador puppy (and would kill me if she saw this!)  But she is a whole lot of joy wrapped up in drama and her overhwelming need to be petted, loved and heard.  Absurd at times, amazingly funny and so over the top loving, you cannot help but fall into her web and smile.  I shall see her on the September long weekend. And it will be WONDERFUL.

John Lennon's #9 Dream is playing now.  The candles on the table flicker as I type, their glowing red columns becoming more translucent as the night scurries along.  Lights dot the mountains across the lake, looking like small little fires.   Blackberry wine 2010 from Elephant Island - it is a sip of yummy summer - all berry and makes me think of grass and sun and bees buzzing under a limpid cherry tree drooping from the scorching sun. Yum.  If you ever get the chance, go visit Elephant Island in Naramanta BC.  It is a beautiful little gem hidden amongst the orchard.  The wine isn't sweet , it is heaven!

Tom Cochrane's acoustic version of White Hot.  The guitar just pleases me.  I am really very easy to please.  The kindness of a driver letting me merge.  Have I mentioned this fabulous wine?  When my youngest says something pleasant.  The Okanagan.  My pink toes.  Coffee in the morning.  The world is full of small greatnesses, you just have to notice them.

To end:  Jason Mraz: Sunshine Song!
Love peace and hugs!

paintings in my mind, words in my ear

Today is a late spring day with early summer tendencies.



I have decided that I need more art in my life. No, not art, more creativity. As I biked this morning to get my car from the car doctor (not terminal, but more work needed) I realized how much I like the open air. My office cubicle lacks a window. It's sterile walls are punctuated by a few pieces - pictures of the kids, an angel given to me by Sharon, a photo from Mezay, my Pokey and Gumby and a wee tiny giraffe with a broken leg (a remanent of remembered dinner years ago). Otherwise the papers and debris are all work related - reminders, to do lists, requests and reports.

I stretched my legs at the farmer's market this morning. Lettuces, spinach, greens abound. Yet to early in the season for the colourful veggies to appear. The people wander and dogs on leashes sniff about for other dogs or perhaps a treat. I bought some spinach, asparagus and a hothouse set of tomatoes and english cucumber. I found a funky glass pendant in Mom's favourite aquamarine colour and a white and black on for me. Some bath tea (steep in hot tub and soak away tension - if only that easy).

Last night I attended the art exhibit of Penticton Plein en Aire. My amazing, talanted friend Carol has a piece there. A range of mediums - watercolour, acrylic, oils on paper, canvas, board - and an even vaster array of style - chunky and sexy Group of Seven types, whispering and reserved watercolours, acrylics that scream with colour, some in bold relief, some detailed - all of them beautiful.

I think I shall create a dinner to celebrate colour, texture and sensory overload. It will be my own short term piece of art. I am looking forward to that glass of red wine which will work with me during the creative process.

Remember

Remember
When?
What?
How and Why? oh Why?

Where did it all go to? Shall it come back? Somethings come back..

The quail are back. Cute and fat and noisy and wonderful. Poking about in my backyard looking for all the leftovers that made it thru the winter. The wind is blowing so much, that at times they look like they are hunkering down to keep from being blow from the cliff and up to the clouds. The boys chasing the girls, chasing off each other. Swaggering about with their little coronet dipping up and down with each little pompous step.

The rain is back, the snow has departed the lower areas. The rain is good, we need the rain to help prepare us for a long hot summer. I see the spring starting to creep into the day. The nights still belong to winter, but spring has spread her fingers over the day and we can now hear her breathing life back into the world.

What a year it has been. A year of change, a year of pain, a year of growth.
Why at 43 do I suddenly feel like I have grown up. I haven't, but suddenly I see. Problem is I am just learning to see, so it makes little sense to me and I can be easily swayed by succulent voices promising happiness or those other voices that scratch and create fear and suspicion.

I want to be completely selfish. I want to find my sun spot and curl into the dust diamonds floating about in that personal space. I want to have someone feed my soul with words and music that is played upon me and for me. I want to lose myself in the unparalleled grandeur of what I see, what I perceive. I want to have those eyes staring into mine, cutting to my soul and feeding my heart with all those secret thoughts and feelings.

I want to learn. I want to laugh and say "la de da - it will have to wait" and not feel the pressure to conform, to perform, be deformed.
I want to laugh. Giggle, sputter, guffaw, hearty belly laugh that takes all reason away.
I want to scream. Scream away doubt, scream away pain, scream away fear.

Touch me behind the knees - I am ready I can take it! Blow softly behind my ears, let your tongue touch the back of my neck. Feel the electricty? Feel the being? Feel the surreal?

But I don't and I feel I can't. Horrid awful words. And they are all in my head. Conditioned to be the 'good' the 'responsible' the 'sane' the 'practical'. Yeah, those are the words I want to hear at my eulogy.

I want to hear that I was fun, that I looked and I found. That I was fearless and a good friend and mother. That I loved and was loved in return. That I read and then I read some more and was never satiated. I want to be remebered for my fairness and my passion. I want to be remembered for willing to try the ridiculous and be laughed at and laughed with.

Let go. Let go of your inhibitions, let go of that which makes you boring, tired and unhappy.
Live on the edge - go for the long walk thru the unknown path, up the mountain. Breathe the air and let it fill you and float you and make you feel alive.